Teaching
Maybe I'm in the wrong profession?
I'm feeling a little dissolusioned with teaching at the moment. There are many reasons, the main one sheer lack of motivation after the first term's leadership issues (still not resolved as we have not been told anything officially, and remain in some sort of uncomfortable limbo). I know I've never been supported enough as a new teacher, and have a tendency to expect that I should know what I am doing, when in actual fact nobody has showed me. What transpires is a feeling that I am rubbish at the job, and that makes me afraid to do things. Planning scares me because I don't think I can do it very well, and of course if I don't plan then what actually comes out in the classroom is rubbish, making me feel worse about myself, and so leading to a vicious circle. We are being inspected in March (possibly, no exact dates have been given..) and I have a million things I need to sort out, including that planning I keep putting off and marking and displays. I know I need to do all this so that I can be a better teacher, and feel better about me, but at the moment I'm burrying my head in the sand so I can't see the big mountain of stuff that is forming.
If you could pray for me to begin to tackle this mountain with God's help, and to get my head down and not think about how far I've got to go, it would be greatly appreciated. Could you also pray that if teaching is not what I am supposed to be doing then I would find what God's purpose truly is for my life, and that if teaching is my purpose, that I'd find my happy place within it. Because at the moment the only thing I've ever wanted to do with my life is not filling it with enjoyment. The kids are lovely, they are the only thing that make it good.
Leaving that topic now, and trusting God to help me tackle it, I am excited (I think) to say that I had two good phonecalls yesterday, one to tell me that I am at the top of the gym waiting list now and I can join (yay, I think) and the other to say that they'd come to fix my phoneline on Saturday. :)
Apart from the teaching issues I am feeling cheerful and happy. I do like it here, and I like the people, and God is being so good to me, teaching me new things every day.
I still haven't started "The Case for Christ", but I will soon, and will share interesting points from it with you as I do. One thing I did read this morning on the "Daily Wisdom" section of Bible Gateway, was all about how we can fill in the gaps with the Bible, we can think we know it all (as I am guilty of doing) but the truth is we never truly know it until we read the whole thing, and study it and ponder it. Even then we won't know EVERYTHING there is to know. I'm going to see if I can get the NT on tape (like the guy who wrote the devotional) and listen to it while I get ready for school in the morning. Woo. That is all.